today is the day. im going to stop eating again. i am absolutely disgustingly fat now and i just cant take it anymore. :'( i want to cry every time i look in the mirror. this morning i got all ready to go to the gym. then i took my shoes off and forgot about it because im too fat to even go to the gym now. so first its lose weight by food intake. then. the gym comes in later to help out. thats that. dont talk me out of it.
i guess i just broke up with jeff. im crying pretty hard right now, obviously. i mean, i know we will get back together. i hope. i mean. i dont know. :'( i just hate our relationship sometimes. it really sucks when you are nervous calling your boyfriend, because you are always anticipating the fights, the arguments. :'( ughhh im so sick of it! i just want things to be good. hes always so mean to me and somehow its always my fault. i wish i didnt love him so much. then this wouldnt be so hard. :'(
last night when i prayed, which im getting better at doing regularly, i prayed for God to give me strength. for Him to help me to not rely on one specific person so much, to not let this person determine my moods so often. rather, to focus more on Him, to realize that He is all i really need. plus my friends and family who i know love me very much and hate to see me hurting. and i think that this is something i REALLY want to work on. ♥ im excited. :)
baby i got plans tonight you don't know nothin' about. ive been sitting around way too long tryin to figure you out. but you say that youll call and you dont and im spinnin my wheels so im going out tonight in my red high heels..
im gonna call up that old boyfriend you says still has it bad for me im gonna take him into town, follow him around for everyone to see and you said watch yourself baby, you know the deal nobody holds a candle to me in my red high heels
oh you can watch me walk if you want to want to i bet you want me back now dont you dont you im about to show you just how missin me feels.. in my red high heels
all those games you tried to play well they aint gonna work on my now i put a barbed wire fence around my heart baby just to keep you out oh you thought id wait around forever but baby get real i just kicked you to the curb in my red high heels
oh you can watch me walk if you want to, want to i bet you want me back now dont you dont you im about to show you just how missin me feels.. in my red high heels
oh you can watch me walk if you want to, want to i bet you want me back now dont you, dont you im about to show you just how missin me feels..
oh you can watch me walk if you want to, want to i bet you want me back now dont you, dont you im about to show you just how missin me feels.. in my red high heelsss.
i think i realized why youre supposed to go away for college. so that your parents, who kick your butt into doing your homework, will finally leave you alone and LET you do your homework that they make you do so much. ahhh i dont think that made sense to anyone else, but seriously, why force me into doing it if youre just going to bother me while im seriously concentrating on it!?! AHHH so much frustration, i just cant wait to LEAVE!