(no subject)

today is the day.
im going to stop eating again.
i am absolutely disgustingly fat now
and i just cant take it anymore. :'(
i want to cry every time i look in the mirror.
this morning i got all ready to go to the gym.
then i took my shoes off and forgot about it
because im too fat to even go to the gym now.
so first its lose weight by food intake.
then. the gym comes in later to help out.
thats that. dont talk me out of it.

(no subject)

there are a couple things i want to do less of.
one is eating.
the other is calling my boyfriend.
maybe if i dont call him as often
he'll start to miss me.

(no subject)

i guess i just broke up with jeff.
im crying pretty hard right now, obviously.
i mean, i know we will get back together.
i hope. i mean. i dont know. :'(
i just hate our relationship sometimes.
it really sucks when you are nervous calling your boyfriend, because you are always anticipating the fights, the arguments. :'( ughhh im so sick of it! i just want things to be good. hes always so mean to me and somehow its always my fault. i wish i didnt love him so much. then this wouldnt be so hard. :'(


i love him.

(no subject)

last night when i prayed, which im getting better at doing regularly, i prayed for God to give me strength. for Him to help me to not rely on one specific person so much, to not let this person determine my moods so often. rather, to focus more on Him, to realize that He is all i really need. plus my friends and family who i know love me very much and hate to see me hurting. and i think that this is something i REALLY want to work on. ♥ im excited. :)

(no subject)

so i hope things get better.
i think last night they got the worst.
we almost broke up,
but we didnt
and i think things will get better <3

(no subject)

baby i got plans tonight you don't know nothin' about.
ive been sitting around way too long tryin to figure you out.
but you say that youll call and you dont
and im spinnin my wheels
so im going out tonight in my red high heels..

im gonna call up that old boyfriend you says still has it bad for me
im gonna take him into town, follow him around for everyone to see
and you said watch yourself baby,
you know the deal
nobody holds a candle to me in my red high heels

oh you can watch me walk if you want to want to
i bet you want me back now dont you dont you
im about to show you just how missin me feels..
in my red high heels

all those games you tried to play
well they aint gonna work on my now
i put a barbed wire fence around my heart
baby just to keep you out
oh you thought id wait around forever
but baby get real
i just kicked you to the curb in my red high heels

oh you can watch me walk if you want to, want to
i bet you want me back now dont you dont you
im about to show you just how missin me feels..
in my red high heels

oh you can watch me walk if you want to, want to
i bet you want me back now dont you, dont you
im about to show you just how missin me feels..

oh you can watch me walk if you want to, want to
i bet you want me back now dont you, dont you
im about to show you just how missin me feels..
in my red high heelsss.

(no subject)

i think i realized why youre supposed to go away for college. so that your parents, who kick your butt into doing your homework, will finally leave you alone and LET you do your homework that they make you do so much. ahhh i dont think that made sense to anyone else, but seriously, why force me into doing it if youre just going to bother me while im seriously concentrating on it!?! AHHH so much frustration, i just cant wait to LEAVE!